MY DAD says it's just not enough for me to go charging around to all the auditions, I have to have a home page so I can give casting directors my web address on a little blue card they put with all the other lttle cards they've collected.

I don't know. Generally he's on the money about stuff like this. His company Cheeses of Nazareth began in a fourteen foot storefront on Hudson Street with sawdust on the floor. Now its a multinational and sold on six exchanges.

But homepages are so... self-centered. And I am trying desperately to break away from so much thinking about myself. I want to rise up out of that narrow cage of me-ness, like the people at the Rapture who, hearing that trumpet, will float up above the clouds into the waiting arms of Jesus, surrounded by holy angels.

It's SHURA BEELZE, but you can call me Shur. These pictures of me are here, not cause I love my face above all others, but because I have hopes and dreams of stage and screen. I'll even model if I have to (clothed, and I won't sell dish soap or douches). But my friends say I can't hold still long enough for the shutter to click. Which is one of the reasons I decided to take up meditation.

IT SLOWS ME DOWN. I am a student of Patra C. Skybamedpa, who is best known as the author of The Bunnysattva Sutra. I know, I know, enough, everybody thinks the Sutra is a novel. Not. One woman, recognizing me on 4th Street, said to me, quite angrily, that I was nothing but a two- bit character in a third-rate fantasy novel. I never know what to say to people like that. DUH, get a life, lady, if YOU'RE reality, give me MUCH more illusion.

Casting Directors: So far I've done three off-Broadway shows, one intricate play called "White Witches of Waverly Place" where I had to memorize nineteen pages of dialogue, and two dark films with dimestore budgets, "Easy Listening" and "Miss Margaret Craske." That last one was about a tough, feeble old ballet teacher who terrorizes her students and keeps them quaking, in fear that they might be cast out to where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. I've got videos and stills but no reviews -- well, there was one but I was so mad I burned it. You'll just have to check me out for yourself. Which I PRAY you will do, cause God knows I need a break.

I've been living in Texas and New York most of my life. I've done every sort of odd job and some were VERY odd. I've met the Pope. I've been to Morocco. Through my boyfriend Ananda, who's from Nepal (we've been together a year and a half) I've gotten tarred and feathered in Buddhism. Maybe I should say entangled, but actually a better word would be disentangled. I've been combing out my mind the way I have to comb out my hair. A pretty fascinating but murky process. I HOPE I am getting untangled. Both for my sake and for the weary world.

We live downtown, in a great rambling old mansion with a very leaky roof. It used to be the home of Graham and Laeticia Phelps-Stokes, back when men wore hats and suspenders and women couldn't smoke in the street. We have an a,mazing bunny named Espresso, who we found hiding between two trash cans on Barrow Street. He has become the Lord of the House, which is as it should be, because RABBITS RULE! I have one particular rabbit in mind.

AND NOW a word from our sponsor, Wales. This is the flag of Wales.

I'm not Welsh. I don't think I have any connection with Wales through my parents or ancestors or anything, and I've never been there. But I have this thing about Wales and Welsh names and Celtic religion and the Mother Goddess. Who knows, if I keep meditating and untangling maybe one day I'll figure it out.

WHEN YOU'RE DONE here, try some of my favorites spots in the Holy Electronic Empire.

This is the school where I'm learning, hopefully, how to become human.

This is where you register for the Bunnysattva Sutra, the most manxome book in the Three Worlds.

It's the sacred scripture of the Eastern School of Broad Buddhism. Newly translated from the Tibetan. And edited by Emma Sirani, who's also written many pages of notes and explan- ations. You can download the Sutra just by clicking on the links below. The best things in life are...

The first issue of a webzine put together by the New York and Paris followers of the Bunnysattva. Articles, pictures, and a few surprises.

Besides the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre, the Mosque, the all-night dance clubs and the FOOD, Paris has a Center for Broad Buddhism. AND this web page.

More from Paris, including a short FAQ about the Bunnysattva, a story from the life of Jesus, information on Padmasambhava, and the dirt on their Center and sangha.

This is WE, the New York Sangha. We used to meet in Soho, and I don't know why it's called the Tribeca Sangha. LOTS of pictures and a talk by Patra, my teacher, on meditation and the Broad Buddhist attitude toward GOD. Plus an article by Mandy Buick about my lovely new old house, which, in spite of all my protests, also serves as our group's live in retreat center. Can't they meet in the STREET?

This one, which I actually helped make, in spite of my VERY BUSY schedule (I am so selfless I scare myself) has a nice picture of Chenrezig (one of the two noble sponsors of this website, also known as Avalokiteshvara, or, in English, the Buddha of Compassion. Be sure to patronize ALL my sponsors so I get the good karma and the FREE SHOES.) There's an article by Aerna on the great Indian Sufi Master Tajuddin. A written message from Patra on how to get through the Earth Changes and the right attitude toward God and believers. What MIGHT be a message from the Virgin Mary, and the Bunnysattva MANTRA. Plus a funny, slightly twisted article about Patra from a new book on Buddhist teachers in America. It's by a cute, goofy guy named Frank who stayed with us briefly at Mandy's loft. He had a massive crush on this girl he met in North Carolina who's a distant relative of Patra. Now they're living together in a rustic cabin on stilts overlooking the roaring soaring sea. Ah, love.

who's my tutor in Eastern Buddhism and in spiritual history and ethics. He's put together two compilations of teachings by the Master Meherwan, one on Jesus and the other on Death. They're both online, you can get the URL at the Eastern School web page.

by world class cutup Mandy Bell Buick, who definitely should be back any day now from her first trip to the MOON. This page is very similar to the Eastern School page but looser, and it has a GREAT picture of the Adi Buddha with, yes, you guessed it, an ELEPHANT HEAD.

This picture appeared miraculously on our doorstep almost a year ago. I have an idea who did it but I'm not saying. Suitable for prayer, meditation and IDOL WORSHIP. Make a copy while you can if you are a BUNNY-MAN!

Mandy plays very subtle practical jokes on people, and she gets away with it cause she is SO SLIPPERY. Careful you don't slip right off her home page and into FASHION HELL.

I give blood to buy shoes, so I can almost relate to Tooney's wicked cult of DRESS WORSHIP. This may be the only place in the Three W's where you can read from the Gospel of the Perfect Dress -- and see the gnarly, homely Temple Guardians and BEDS MADE FROM BOULDERS!

Aerna O, the wise wizard- ess from Vardo, and my favorite recovering fundamentalist, went way beyond the call of duty to make this page look ALMOST NORMAL. How did she do it? Click and see.

Hiding behind her long cloth coat is the fabled siren of my old hometown. We first met on a Celestial Car escaping from The Smoking Man and his vile hencmen. DANGER! Learn more in (I think) part one of The Bunnysattva Sutra.

Go see the inscrutable Goddess in her six-armed form. And learn the sacred secret of GUMMI KARZ! All absolutely free, with links about Buddhism and toast,,, and her annual QUOTE OF THE DAY.

She came back from the future with Patra C. Skybamedpa, crash- landing on the roof of an old brick building, scaring all the pigeons out of the West Village. And she's been getting in BIG TROUBLE ever since. The only person I've ever known twice in the same life. Who is this MAIDEN OF MYSTERY? Click and find out. Or wander around muttering to yourself in your old age, just wishing you had.

YES, it's the BUNNY OF LOVE, painted by my second-most favorite painter, the incredilbe P.C. I like this picture a lot, and when Patra gives it to me, which both he and I know is inevitable and going to happen VERY SOON, I will line up the best big fat carrots and the freshest alfalfa hay in front of it until the BIG B herself comes to gobble them up. Mark my words! THUS SPAKE THE SHURIAN ORACLE!

And please pattronize my sponsors, Guy's Shoes and Lord Chenrezig. Guy's Shoes is at the SE corner of Ninth Street and Avenue A, and Chenrezig is everywhere. If you worship Chenrezig on my say-so, I get spiritual advancement, and if you buy two pairs of Guy's shoes, I get ONE FRABJOUS PAIR FREE! Tell them it's FOR SHUR!

The cool revolving thingy coming up just beneath this paragraph is a Tibetan Prayer Wheel. Painted or printed or carved on the wheel is the mantra of Chenrezig, Om Mani Padme Hum. Every time you say this mantra, after seeing it here, I get points. When I have enough points, I get off the Wheel of Birth and Death. It's the best pyramid scheme ever. WHEEEEEEE!