Marriage 2

MARRIAGE

Book Two

"The worldly ties of relationship are mere hypocrisy. Swami Vivekananda aptly compares this with Truth when he says, 'They know no Truth who dream such vacant dreams as father, mother, child, wife and friend...' God is for all, then comes the Prophet and the Master. Other than these, no one in the world possesses true love."

Meher Baba,
8 October 1922, Bombay,
RD p93, also LM2 p431

"Sexual intercourse is the highest type of sensual pleasure in the world. But how long does it last? Only a few minutes. If this, the highest of all worldly pleasures, is compared with the real happiness of eternal divine bliss, it is a mere shadow of a drop from the infinite ocean of eternal bliss. When once realised, this bliss is felt and enjoyed every second forever. From this comparison you can imagine the hollowness of the world and its pleasures."

Meher Baba,
12 October 1922,
Bombay
LM2 p439, also RD p104-105

"At the Thursday afternoon tea-party at Kaka Shahane's, which was being continued every week, Baba brought up the subject of 'vital forces' or 'vital fluid.' He said that the loss of this - excepting in the relations of man and wife which are based upon mutual love and respect - was a serious matter. Indulgence for its own sake, whether natural or unnatural or in dreams, simply increased one's sanskaric load.

"'There are people,' he said, 'who say it is natural for the energies of the body to be spent. Spent, yes - but in service, not in lust. So the best remedy is to keep the mind engaged in love for God and in service for others. Without the rains, people would not get food or drink, but they must come at the right time, at the right place, in the right quantity; otherwise they may destroy the crops and flood the countryside.'"

Francis Brabazon, SW p269
(January 1926, Ahmednagar?)

"Consequent to the recent betrothals of two Mang and four Mahar boys from the school, their marriages were performed by a Brahman at Meherabad strictly according to Hindu rites. Baba had told the boys' parents to look out for suitable matches, but the actual selection was made by the boys and girls themselves - thus breaking the age-long custom of arranged marriages.

"In the general excitement, it was overlooked that one of the boys was a Christian, and this led to a great dispute between both sides; but it was eventually agreed to have the marriage according to that religion. However, later on, the girl's parents pressed Baba for a Hindu 're-marry,' but he would not allow it. Almost the entire village turned out, and Baba provided the wedding feast."

Francis Brabazon, SW p272 (February 1926, Meherabad)

A follower of Meher Baba came to see him. He was a Hindu, and regularly performed Hindu religious rituals. He wanted to get married, and hoped Baba would encourage him. Baba told him,

"For you, marriage would be a great stumbling block in the Path to God-realisation. But for you to have connection with a woman out of marriage would be the worst thing imaginable. Yet even marriage will turn out to be a hindrance and a barrier in the Path."

28 June 1926,
Meherabad, LM3 p818

"Arjun became the father of a son, and Baba asked him, was he going to put on a tea party? He replied that since he had left all his affairs in his (Baba's) hands, Baba should do what he thought best.

"A general discussion on marriage came up, and Baba said that it was one of the great essentials of life, and that was why Buddha, Muhammad, Upasani Maharaj, Tukaram, and other Masters were married. Only those Masters who became Realised before the usual time of marriage remained single, like Christ, Shankaracharya, and himself.

"Baba asked who among the single Mandali wanted to marry. No one stepped forward. Finally he told Naval and Kishan they would have sons."

Francis Brabazon,
SW p315-316 (November 1926)

"In late January, Manohar Manjirwala came for darshan with his children. His wife had recently died, and he was greatly bereaved. Baba advised him,

"'Get married again. You will have a handsome and lucky son.

"'But why hurry and worry about a wife? Being married and leading a family life are not binding. It is the mind which needs to be stilled in all situations.

"'It is very easy to talk of being free of the family, but very difficult to renounce the world. This is only possible for truly courageous people. So it is better to marry again and give up all thought of renunciation.

"'Your wife was blessed to have performed my arti when I visited your home.'"

Bhau Kalchuri, LM3 p903 (late January 1927, Meherabad)

Another account:

"A young todiwala, Manhar, lost his wife, and wanted to renounce the world. Baba told him not to grieve, and that his wife was very fortunate, for she was one of his real devotees, and had performed his arti very fervently only a few days before she died.

"Baba advised him to remarry soon, and he would give him a nice and well-favored son. Marriage, he said, was no binding at all; it is the mind that has to be kept free, unattached and quiet in all conditions. It is very easy (he said) to talk about renunciation, but that is the work of heroes."

Francis Brabazon, SW p334, Meherabad, January 1927

"Many women have become saints and Masters. Although you are married, still try to intensely long for God."

Meher Baba, 3 April 1927,
Ahmednagar, to women at Vyankatesh
Chichorkar's house, LM3 p924

"Desires are harmful both ways, when fulfilled and when not fulfilled. For instance, a person has a desire for sex. Overcome with intense longing, he fornicates with someone of the opposite sex and fulfills his desire. What then? After the fornication, he feels dejected. Why is this, when his desire has been fulfilled? At first it seems so strange, but there is nothing strange about it. For that is the eventual result of expression of his desire, which brings on disappointment and dejection.

"Once a desire is fulfilled, there is another desire that arises ready to be satisfied. When that desire is satisfied, another is there, and so on. It is not easy to escape the clutches of one's desires. Only Perfect Masters can destroy the desires of their devotees, disciples, and those on whom their grace descends."

Meher Baba,
12 June 1929,
Arangaon, LM4 p1165

Fornication: voluntary sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other
(Random House Dictionary of the English Language)

"Wine is good for both health and the spiritual life. It is an intoxicant and tonic for both. If after drinking wine, thoughts are diverted to spiritual advancement, it is a great push toward the goal. Otherwise it can lead to hell. Wine is such that either it raises you to the highest pinnacle, or makes you fall into the deepest ditch.

"The main object of intoxicants in the ancient past was spiritual. Seekers then used not only wine, but also hemp, heroin, hashish and opium; so much so that even Qutubs would indulge in them (You have heard stories that Sai Baba used to smoke a chillum pipe, and Upasani Maharaj smoked beedis). But eventually during those times, ordinary people indulged in these intoxicants for the wrong reasons. They could not understand their proper use, and the effects of the intoxication diverted their thoughts to carnal desires - worst of all to lust, the greatest obstacle in the Way.

"In the spiritual Path, lust is the greatest obstacle. Even the thought of fornication should not enter the mind. That is why I tell you, 'Keep your langoti tight,' which means to have no lustful thoughts, do no lustful actions, and do not touch or even look at a woman.

"Lust is so forceful that even looking at a woman can start a man thinking about sex; and thinking leads to action. Compare the love between a child and his mother. The child plays in her arms and touches her without creating the least thought of lust. But the slightest touch between the father and mother may arouse lustful thoughts in them."

Meher Baba, September 1929, Isfahan, Persia
to his men Mandali, LM4 p1227
langoti = loincloth

Baba asked each of the unmarried men Mandali to promise never to touch any woman lustfully. He asked the married men Mandali to promise not to touch any woman other than their wives lustfully. Then he explained,

"Lust is not bad. Because of this lust, you have been born as human beings. It is due to this very lust that you will turn from men into God. But even if lust is there in you, don't put it into action. From the spiritual point of view, lust is the worst possible weakness. The real hero is he who successfully fights it.

"Fornicating with a woman who isn't your wife is one of the worst possible sins. What had to happen has happened; but from now on, beware of carnality. Follow my orders and stay away from lust. What lasting pleasure can one derive from such stinking parts? It can destroy your spirit and character, as well as infect the body.

"I know each and every thing, but knowing everything, I keep on watching. Perhaps you might think, 'Why doesn't Baba save us from committing sins, despite knowing everything?' Before you do any wrong action, I already know that you are going to do it. Then why do I not prevent you? It is my secret.

"The secret of my work is, though I know everything, I do not interfere. The fact is, you should have this lust, but you should do your utmost not to fall prey to it. You should put up a fierce fight, and though defeated a thousand times, you should again be ready to continue to fight the lust.

"Were I to wish it, I could destroy the lust in you in no time. But what would be the use of destroying it? Inevitably I will destroy it. In the meantime, continue on with the battle inside yourselves. This is the law. It is necessary. Then joy will come in defeating lust. Without a struggle, there is no pleasure in fighting. The real pleasure lies in success after so many defeats. Wars won without obstacles, without sacrifices and untiring effort afford no pleasure. This should be a life and death fight. Lust is there to be fought. It is a lifelong struggle. It will be a conflict in you till the end of your days. It should be there to fight you, and you should always be alert and ready for battle, to kill.

"He who has love for and faith in me will try doubly hard to obey me. If you touch any woman, tell me immediately; this is one remedy. Another is to think that in your last birth you were a woman and had connections with a man; now you are a man and you want connections with a woman. You have had enough satisfaction in previous births. What is to be had by more lust?

"Foremost you should try to get rid of lust, as all other vices are on account of it. For instance, if a parrot's throat is cut, it dies. But if its wings are clipped, it does not die; after some time the feathers of the wings grow back. Lust can be compared to the parrot's head. Therefore when lust is still present and we conquer other evils, such as anger, the evils again revive - everything rises out of the head. But if lust is killed once and for all, every other evil is also destroyed. You have to cut off its head.

"Yet in truth, lust is necessary for evolution. It starts developing in the vegetable forms. With the increase in lust, there is advancement in evolution, since lust means energy. And with the increase in energy, consciousness expands.

"But these are points on this path which you will never understand. There are thousands of points thinner than hair. Remember, it is no easy thing to eradicate sanskaras gathered during birth after birth, and lust is the hardest of all sanskaras. But be heroes and fight lust; you will defeat it. The real pleasure is to fight it and not succumb to it. Knowing this, I let it remain, but I will destroy it in you when the right time comes. Until then, go on fighting, and never give up.

Meher Baba, 19 October 1929, Isfahan, Persia
instructions to his men Mandali (disciples), LM4 p1232-1233

"I must ask all aspirants to remember once and for all, that if they are desirous of rapid progress and quick enlightenment, they should live up to the following four laws:

1. If possible, observe celibacy. If already married, keep as little sexual intercourse with your partner as possible. Consider, if you are a man, all other women as your sisters; if you are a woman, all other men as your brothers.

2. Avoid all animal food, except milk and the products of milk. Don't partake of even eggs.

3. Avoid all intoxicating drugs and drinks. Tea is not an intoxicant, provided it is weak. But be moderate in your habit of tea drinking.

4. Curb yourself, and never give way to anger. Whenever you fly into a passion, you contract red sanskaras, which are the worst of all."

Meher Baba,
Ms 2:2 p8 (February 1930)

The following is an article that appeared in the Meher Gazette in the early 1930s. No author was named. Apparently it was later rewritten and used as part of the discourse 'The Sanctification of Married Life' (Di 7th ed. p104-109).

BIRTH CONTROL

(Shri Meher Baba's Views)

"Birth control, in itself, is good, provided the means utilised to practise it are mental, and not physical or unnatural."

Shri Meher Baba

The birth control movement has been a subject of much controversy and wide discussion in the present day world. the propounders of the movement advocate the use of chemical or physical means for checking or preventing the birth of 'unwanted children.' Much 'religious' sentiment is also ushered into the discussion of this subject, both by the advocates and the opponents of this movement.

Each leader or person in the public eye whose opinion has been sought, has considered the question from his or her own angle of vision or sphere of activity, e.g. social, medical or religious; and as a Spiritual Master and the author of a spiritual movement, Shri Meher Baba's views are solicited on this point. His opinion, based as it is on spiritual considerations, is above everything. He does not consider the question from the point of view of any special or limited interest, but from the point of view of the ultimate and complete well-being of the individual and the society, for, as he has repeatedly said, 'Spirituality includes everything.'

The present day birth control movement can be analysed into two parts: 1) its aim, and 2) its means. It aims at regulating the birth of children for a) eugenic, b) economic, or c) personal reasons.

Uncontrolled breeding leads to the birth of diseased and weak issue, intensifies the acute 'struggle for existence' and all the political and economical problems (e.g. crimes, wars and poverty), which are the inevitable outcome of ruthless competition, and often creates for parents a responsibility which they cannot adequately discharge. All these considerations are humane and rational, and therefore demand and justify serious attempts to regulate breeding.

The purely physical means, however, which the enthusiastic supporters of the birth control movement advocate, are found to lead to the following undesirable results:

1. While the wealthier and the middle classes, who can afford to support many issue in their families, have already taken to this mania of using contraceptives, the really poor and the destitute, who cannot at all afford to breed children, either do not know enough about contraceptives, or deliberately neglect to use them. And the result is that the uneducated masses are multiplying as ever, and the educated and the rich classes are becoming thinner; and in the actual result of the use of contraceptives, the very purpose of securing children only when and where they would be properly looked after, is defeated by the means.

2. Further, the contraceptives, which are advocated on humanitarian grounds, are generally used by the majority of the people for serving their own selfish ends, and for avoiding the responsibility of bearing and bringing up children.

3. Since the physical consequences of the sex act can be so successfully avoided through the use of chemical and physical means, those who have not yet begun to be awake to the higher values have no incentive to be moderate in the gratification of passion; and they therefore become victims to excessive indulgence in the satisfaction of sex desire, which has disastrous physical, moral and spiritual consequences. Since the advocates of the birth control movement are content to emphasise the need of the use of physical means only, and entirely neglect the spiritual side of the question, the younger generation is likely to become blind to the need for mental control, and might bring about its on ruin by becoming a slave to the animal passion.

What then is the alternative? The easy physical means of avoiding issue are far from being contributory to the awakening of man to his real dignity and freedom as a spiritual being. Thoughtless and uncontrolled indulgence must inevitably lead to reaction and spiritual bondage. Only through the wise exercise of mental control is it possible for man to rise from passion to peace, from bondage to freedom, from animality to purity.

For spiritual aspirants in particular, and also for all human beings (because they are all potentially spiritual aspirants), it is extremely inadvisable to rely upon purely physical means for the regular breeding. They must rely upon mental control, which will automatically result in the regulation of births. They can thus equally well achieve the humanitarian purposes of the birth control movement, without incurring upon themselves the spiritual disasters which must overtake them if they merely rely on the purely physical means advocated by the supporters of the movement.

Shri Meher Baba, therefore, throws light upon the much ignored spiritual side of the question, and advocates mental control, which is not only useful for regulating the number of children, but is also indispensible for restoring to man his divine dignity and spiritual good, viz. peace, happiness and freedom.

The use of physical means for preventing the birth of children without mental control is spiritually disastrous for an aspirant. But is it permissible for an aspirant to use, in increasing degree, mental control along with the physical means, if he considers that he cannot undertake the responsibility of children, and if he does not in any way slacken his attempts at mental control and sublimation, and if he sincerely uses the physical means provisionally, and intends to give them up as soon as possible?

Birth control must be, essentially, self-control (mental control) and nothing else. There should be no second aid to it. And physical means, under no circumstances, considerations or conditions, would be advisable.

If one is not prepared to undertake the responsibility of children, there is only one course left for him. He must remain a bachelor - a true bachelor in the real sense of the word. For mental control, although extremely difficult in practise, is not impossible.

But in trying to utilise any means other than mental, even with the motive of developing the mental through the physical, one does not attain self-control, much as he desires it. On the contrary, being addicted to the physical means, he tries to justify himself all the more in the utilising of the physical means, and becomes a victim to the habit, rather than effecting a development in self-control.

To explain it still more clearly, what happens in the use of physical means, is that while one thinks that he is using them as a preliminary step before the mental control is fully developed, he actually gets addicted to them, and becomes a slave of the habit of using them. And though he may remain under the delusion that he is trying to develop mental control through the physical means, he is, in reality, all the while, losing gradually.

In short, mental power is undermined by reliance on the physical means. Therefore the chances of one's developing self-control through physical means are absolutely remote. On the contrary, there is always the risk of being a prey to the animal passion, and hence physical means are under no conditions advisable, even from the best of motives. Preventing birth of children through physical means is most disastrous from the spiritual point of view, and is positively detrimental to the development of self-control.

As a Spiritual Master, Shri Meher Baba would advise strict celibacy, but it is extremely difficult, though not impossible. Hence, very few practise it. And so, for others who cannot observe strict celibacy, the next best course, he would advise, is to marry, rather than remain a bachelor and fly like a bee from flower to flower.

If in marriage one learns to control animal passion, well and good. If he cannot control it, he must let nature take its own course (rather than use any unnatural means) and bear the consequences of shouldering the responsibility for upbringing of the children, and even suffer for that. This responsibility must be accepted individually, and should also be shared collectively with others.

But while he follows the natural course, he should also try, side by side, to develop Love, so that, in course of time, Love would prevail, and lust would go for good. Thus mental control can be achieved without depending on physical means.

If the physical means of birth control are ruled out as spiritually undesirable, the only alternative to regulate births of children is to rely on mental control. Complete mental control is achieved by very few persons; and failure in mental control seems to affect women more seriously than men. For any such failures, women may have to undertake the troubles and responsibility of bearing and rearing children, whereas man remains free from any such troubles or responsibility. Exclusive reliance upon mental control, therefore, seems to be unfair from the woman's point of view; and the use of physical means avoids this injustice.

The injustice is not real, but only apparent. It is true that the woman has to undertake the trouble and the responsibility of bearing and rearing children, but she also has the compensating joy of feeding and fondling them. The joy of motherhood is much greater than the joy of fatherhood. Further, the man also has to face and share his responsibility towards the children.

In average cases, the general responsibility (economical, educational, etc.) of the father is much greater than that of the mother. Cases where the mother alone can adequately discharge parental responsibility are extremely rare. Therefore, even in the event of failure in mental control, there need not be any injustice in the distribution of parental responsibility, which should be mutually shared by man as well as woman.

In some cases, man is likely to be inconsiderate, since his eventual moral responsibility towards the children is capable of being shirked. Woman is not likely to be thus inconsiderate, since she cannot avoid the physical consequences and the corresponding responsibility. Why then should woman cooperate with man in this unequal enterprise?

Inconsiderateness is not necessary in this situation; and it can be avoided if the father as well as the mother are both fully conscious of their mutual responsibility. Since they are joined together by spiritual links, they should cooperatively endeavour to attain mental control; and in the event of any failure in mental control, they should cheerfully and willingly discharge the joint responsibility of parenthood. But reliance on physical means is disastrous to both from the spiritual point of view.

(end of article)

"One day a man from Khorasan and a companion came there to see Baba. He said that for fourteen years he had practised asceticism in the Himalayas, and he had eaten the leaves and the fruits of the trees, and had meditated there, and he had just come back to the world. He had come to Baba to ask whether he should marry or not.

"Baba said, 'If you want to marry, then go ahead and marry.'

"Baba told us to look at this man, that after fourteen years of asceticism, he had come back, and what does he want? He wants the world and he wants a wife."

Shahriar Mehrabanpur,
RD p584 (1931?)

"The topic of celibacy came up again during Baba's private interview with Dick and Audrey Ince. Meredith Starr had told the Inces that sex was only for procreation of children, and they were not to have any sexual intercourse whatsoever. They followed this advice for some time, but the marriage was breaking up because of it. When they told Baba, he refuted Meredith's claim, and told them that when married, one should lead a normal married life."

Bhau Kalchuri, LM5 p1566
(April 1932, London)

Q. Why was Jesus not married?

Baba: Every Avatar adopts a particular aspect of his time. He adapts and embodies his mode of working according to the attitudes of the people. The outstanding weakness that marked the attitude of people in the time of Jesus was pomp, cruelty and pride. And to do away with that and set an example, he based his working or mode of life on simplicity, humility and suffering. And so there was no necessity for him to marry.*

"In the time of Muhammad, lust dominated in the minds of men, so much so that nearly every man used to have sex with several women. Muhammad, marking this point, made it lawful for every follower of his to have only a certain number of wives, and himself married seven. Had he, like Jesus, not married, then it would have been deemed essential to make it lawful for his followers to remain unmarried. But nobody, in that case, would have followed him. It would have been even worse than useless to come to nil from numerous, so he fixed the number to seven from scores.

"The people were too much steeped in materialism in the age of Buddha. Therefore, stressing the nothingness of maya, he set an example of true renunciation, and left his wife and children. He founded his system on renunciation and sanyas.

"Dry atmosphere marked the age of Krishna. The predominating elements then were internal strife, jealousy, greed. So he preached and founded his teachings on the gospel of love and gaiety, so that people began learning lessons in and developing love and merriment.

"The hopelessness of the situation in Zoroaster's time, when people progressed neither materially nor spiritually, made him base his system so as to make them live the life of the world, yet be spiritually inclined, in search of God and Truth. He enacted certain laws, and made it incumbent on his every follower not to marry more than one woman, and not to regard any other with a lustful eye. He founded his religion on the tenets of good thoughts, good words, good deeds.

"In reality, all these Avatars were the manifestations of the same one divinity, void of desires and above lust, greed, anger."

29 June 1934, London, A p22-23
Other versions: Tr 174-175,
MJ 2:6 p354-355, HM p443,
QM p34-36, LM6 p1882

*Another version

"At the time of Jesus, arrogance, imperiousness, pride, cruelty were the characteristics of the people. Nevertheless they possessed a conception of justice regarding women and marriage, and it was not necessary, as it was in Arabia, to make marriage an example. Jesus lived the life of humility, simplicity and poverty, and he endured suffering in order to direct humanity towards the purest ideal - God."

QM p36

"The original human form was never formed to beget children. This tendency among people to cohabit is nothing but animal instinct inherited from all the previous lives of evolution from the stone to the animal to the human form."

Meher Baba, 18 October 1935,
Tiger Valley, LM6 p1977

At the celebration of Meher Baba's 43rd birthday, on the second day, after everyone had taken darshan and garlanded Baba with flowers, Baba's mother Shireen talked with him. Baba spoke with her via the alphabet board.

Shireen: Merwan, now you are worshiped as God on Earth. Since I am your mother, I should also be respected. And I tell you now that there is only one thing left I want in this world: you must get married.

Baba: (laughing) "What you say is perfectly true, mother. You are on the same level with Mary the mother of Jesus, with Yeshoda the mother of Krishna. You must be respected, and you too will one day be worshiped, as it was through your womb that God has taken birth.

"As your son, I would never disobey you. Of course I respect your wishes. However, in order to get married, there must be a man and a woman. What am I to do? God has put me into such a state that I do not find anyone else in the world but me. I experience myself to be in all.

"When a man goes to a cinema and watches a movie of a beautiful actress on the screen, can he marry her? No, because she is only a a two-dimensional image on the screen. Likewise, I see you all on the screen of Maya. How then can I get married?"

Shireen wept.

18 February 1937, Nasik,
LM6 p2110-2111

A number of people had come to see Meher Baba, and were standing in line. One young man in the line was weeping. When he came before Baba, Baba looked into his eyes and asked, "Did you carry out all my orders?' The man did not answer. Baba spelled out on the board,

"An order is much more important than any amount of spiritual longing, or gifts of thousands of rupees.

"There are seven colors of sanskaras. Red is the worst and the deepest. It is the most lasting impression, and takes the longest to be wiped out. These red sanskaras are caused by the sex act, hence they are a great check on the progress and advancement. The sex act is considered a grave sin on the Path, and prohibited to spiritual aspirants.

"Thoughts of sexual desire may come, and even a rush of impulses, but one should not commit any action with another person. Even masturbation is better, though it is harmful to the physique. Sexual intercourse has the worst consequences. It attracts to oneself the worst sanskaras of ages past of one's partner, hence it is most difficult to wipe out. It incurs immense ineradicable damage to one's spiritual progress."

Meher Baba, 21 December 1937,
Bombay, LM7 p2249

"When I had first joined Baba at the ashram in Bangalore, I was not physically at my best, and I was emotionally drained from working with the children at school. I knew that being with Baba and staying in the ashram would again lift me - just being with him was enough. Then, two days after I arrived, he called me for our first private talk. Baba communicated with gestures for his general needs, but when he wanted to have a conversation or say something specific, he used an alphabet board. Although many of his gestures were easy to understand, I could read the board only very slowly.

"Being alone with Baba was unusual in itself, but I was completely unprepared for what he spelled out on the board: 'Would you like to marry?'

"I replied, 'No, Baba, I don't want to marry, because I want to love and serve only you!'

"Baba then said, 'To love me and serve me is great, but to obey me is the greatest. So will you obey me and do what I tell you?'

"I replied, 'Yes, Baba.'

"He asked, 'If I tell you to, will you marry?'

"Growing uneasy, but having no choice, I again said yes to Baba.

"He then asked me, 'Do you know the story of Mira?'

I told Baba I knew a little about her.

"Baba said, 'Mira did not wish to marry because she wanted only to love Krishna and to renounce the world. But because Krishna told her to marry, she did. So likewise, will you marry if I want you to?'

"With downcast eyes, I said, 'Yes, Baba.'

"Baba then said to me, 'Will you marry the man I tell you to marry? Suppose I tell you to marry Nariman. Will you marry him?'

"In obedience, I said, 'Yes, Baba,' even though in my heart of hearts I wanted to live a single life devoted only to him.

"Then, to comfort me, because he knew what anguish his questions were putting me through, Baba ended our conversation, saying, 'I'm not going to tell you to marry. I was just asking you.'

"... In this way beloved Baba eased my heart, as he knew I wasn't yet ready to accept the idea of being married; he gave me the time I needed to adjust to that possibility."

Arnavaz Dadachanji,
GO p60-61 (May 1939?)

(Arnavaz and Nariman Dadachanji were married December 21, 1944. Baba came to Ahmednagar and gave darshan to all the wedding guests. They were together for about thirty years, until Nariman's death in 1974. It was apparently a very happy marriage.)

Baba: When Nilu first came to me, I inquired about him getting married. He wanted to marry, and if I had prevented him, it would not have been taken so well. So I made a plan and sent him, accordingly, with Kaku and my mother Shireen to Poona to see a nice girl. There, in fact, Shireen and Kaku showed Nilu several girls, and so it happened that the girls he liked did not like him, and those he did not like, liked him. Thus after his rambles he returned to Meherabad and told me, 'Baba, I don't want to marry.' I wanted him to say this, and it happened according to my plan, as I turned my key. But if I had objected at the beginning, although he would have obeyed me, the desire to marry would still have been burning there. (to Nilu) Is this true or false?

Nilu: Quite true. No one else in the world could have played such a perfect game.

July? 1945, Hyderabad, LM8 p3051

"The physical body is nothing but the Gross form of impressions. The Mental impression in the mind of the male parent first takes a Subtle form, which then is released in the Gross form of mating. The mass of sanskaras or impressions thus released ultimately reaches the mind of the female parent, and it is from the mind of the female parent that the process of physical incarnation starts. The soul which is awaiting reincarnation in the Gross body can descend only if, during the process of sanskaric or impressional exchange between the male and female, their minds have come as near to stopping as possible.

"The physical body is produced by the working of many impressions, and it is the result of their very embodiment. It is therefore no wonder that it has a tendency to bind the soul which inhabits it. Love for the physical body is only a form of deep ignorance. The swine delight in the refuse - so do the ignorant ones take delight in the body...

"Impressions are contagious. Eating meat is prohibited in many spiritual disciplines because therein the person catches the impressions of the animal, thus rendering himself more susceptible to lust and anger. Sometimes innumerable strong impressions are transmitted through the mere touch of the physical body of another person. A Gross body, even a corpse, can quickly impart numberless impressions to the person who touches it. Sex contact outside wedlock is the worst form of exposure to heavy and binding impressions of lust. In wedlock the impressions exchanged are much lighter and less binding."

from notes dictated by Meher Baba,
before 1948, ST p23-27

In 1945 Nana Kher asked Meher Baba whether he should marry or remain single. Baba told him he would instruct him after two years.

In Madras in April, 1947, Baba brought up the subject and told Nana Kher,

"If you want to marry, then marry. I give you my permission and blessings."

Nana told Baba, "Never."

Baba replied, "Then why don't you marry me? If you have sexual thoughts, don't worry. But do not put these thoughts into action."

April 1945, Madras. LM9 p3160

In 1948 a young woman from Poona wrote to Meher Baba and asked him to free her from the fetters that bound her to the mayavic world. She also asked to meet him. He invited her to visit him in Ahmednagar in May, 1948. Afterwards she read all she could about Baba and his teachings, her favorite being the reading meditation 'The Divine Theme.' She began to feel sometimes a divine brilliance that enveloped objects around her. She wrote Baba, 'Father, I feel the presence of God, but how will I see him?' When this was read out to Baba, he looked pleased and gestured, 'A lucky one.'

Later she wrote, 'Is it necessary for a girl to marry when she finds the marriage is based more on money than on pure love? Can she not live alone and lead a pure life, relying on the grace of the Master? Can a girl get Self-realisation?'

In another letter, the girl wrote, 'Dear Baba, sometimes I get such a strong feeling that I should leave my home and go to some quiet place for meditation. Would that be good? But at the same time I remember your words, "Be in the world, but not of it," and I stay back.'

Baba replied to her letters through Adi K. Irani:

"Baba says that a married life strictly in adherence to one's partner is not bad; but a single life, with the grace of the Master, replete with aspirations Godward, is infinitely better... Baba told me to inform you that constant remembrance of the one whom you consider to be your Master will go a long way toward lessening the mental tension and bringing about peace of mind. He wishes you to know that not by leaving the world and your dear ones will you be able to progress on the Path. It is only by living in the world, and trying to develop as detached an outlook on life as possible, that you will gain equipoise and make real progress...

"Baba desires you to remember him always, in good times and in bad times, and thereby increase your faith in him, which alone will make you impervious to the ups and downs of life... Baba sends you his blessings, which will impart to you strength, patience and courage."

GG1 p309-312

"If you only knew how many husbands and wives you have had down through the ages, you would not worry so over this one."

Meher Baba, 15? May 1952
to Ivy Duce, HM p90

For the story of how Baba tried to prevent Dhake's second marriage, see LM8 p3038-3039.

For the story of how Baba married Pankhraj to Gustadji, see LM10 p3633.

DISCOURSES contains two articles about sex and marriage, 'The Problem of Sex,' and 'The Sanctification of Married Life.'

The book NOT WE BUT ONE has what appears to be an early version of part of the article on marriage in Discourses.

For explanations by Meher Baba of the sex-opposites and sexual attraction, see the chapter 'Sex' and Be p62-64, 69-72.

The following quote was printed as 'an unpublished discourse' of Meher Baba. The circumstances under which it was given, the date and location were not specified. Baba may have dictated it, or it may have been written by a devotee -- perhaps Adi K. Irani. If you know anything about it, please let me know.

Editor

"Human form is the gift of God to man to consciously experience his infinite absolute state of existence.

"Human being essentially is one of the several aspects of God. Male and female are the two sides of the same one aspect of God. A wedlock is the means of bringing together two human beings to achieve oneness in pure love.

"Sex attraction is the primary urge evolved by nature for man and woman to come together. Out of their union it is possible to create pure and selfless love that would lead to the experience of the ultimate truth.

"Marriage is a sacred bond of mutual trust, honor, and selfless responsive love. It cannot be a bar to spirituality if responsibilities connected with it are fully carried out.

"Marriage will serve as a pleasant gateway to the entry of the two souls to the infinite kingdom of God. This is possible if throughout the ups and downs, happiness and misery of married life, the ties of love are nurtured by honesty of purpose, equanimity of mind, and steadfastness to the ideal. But if, regardless of the true purpose, there is indiscriminate indulgence in sexual desires and promiscuity, marriage would wreck the very purpose for which it stands.

"It is therefore left to the will and wish of the marrying couple how best or worst they would use their relationship.

"In the present days of disquieting mental atmosphere and growing temptations, the most practical and easy way to fulfill the sacred purpose of married life is to take refuge under the purifying influence and grace of the highest enlightened being."

Gl Nov 1977 p1, Q

Marriage Book One

Index - Book Two